Do you have a day where everything you say is the wrong thing? Let me rephrase that. Do you have a day where everything you say to your child with BPD is the right thing but they take it the wrong way? Well that was I today. I called my daughter at college, like I do everyday, a few times a day. It is Sunday so that means she is going to be upset that she spent the whole weekend in bed not doing anything. Well that is not always the case. She does have great weekends sometimes. She will see her boyfriend and get out of the dorm room and do something active. But this Sunday it was not the case. You try to be encouraging, but you get frustrated, than she gets frustrated. Next thing you know you are having a two-hour argument by text messaging and hang up phone calls with her. You hear the repeated “you don’t understand” or the most popular one, “how do you think you’re helping me in this situation.” Everything you said gets twisted around and your at fault. And all your thinking is… I was just trying to help her get out of bed, go eat, and just maybe take a shower! And in the end when you feel like just screaming it all ends. The rollercoaster ride has stopped. You gave in and said your wrong, it was your fault, and than she says “no, it was mine, but I just want you to understand.” You talk it out and you say how proud you are that they are trying, because you really are. But you know that won’t be the last time you fight. Because we know as parents we are going to give the hard tough love speech again, and they are going to flip out again. You wonder, when is the right time to talk to them, give them that speech? They don’t want to do it on a bad day cause than we “don’t understand” or “we don’t get them or love them”. And when there are good days, why in the world we risk bringing up something that can make it a bad day! Is there every a good time to give the tough love speech?