You are always shouting and screaming at the children.
None of the above statements are true, yet they probably sound familiar.“Always” and “Never” statements are frequently used by people when they are arguing in order to emphasize or illustrate the merits of their position. “Always” and “Never” statements are usually exaggerations, which serve an illustrative purpose and are understood by both parties to be hyperbole and not literal. As the self-contradicting adage says, “Always and Never statements are always false and never true.”
“Always” and “Never” statements are also very frequently used by individuals who suffer from personality disorders, because they fit neatly into the split, black and white world of their thinking. They are most often used in an accusatory, argumentative or self-pitying way.
While many people who use these statements rarely expect them to be taken as literal, factual truth, they may actually be a true expression of the person’sfeelings. For example, imagine a person says: “Younever listen to me!”
For example, imagine a person says: "You never listen to me!"
You could respond directly to the statement and reply, “Yes, I do!” You may even venture into hyperbole-land yourself and claim to “always” listen to them, or say you have listened to them “millions of times”. You may even list all the occasions of listening that you can bring to mind. In doing so though, you may be missing the real message.
If you go to the next level and listen to the underlying feeling being expressed, “I want to be listened to”, you will have gone beyond the hyperbole and heard something honest. If you go one step further, perhaps you will hear: “I’m afraid that you may not consider me worth listening to.” Now you are approaching the heart of the matter.
Most of us use “Always” and “Never” statements rhetorically - it’s also wise to use them sparingly, lest our own credibility be called into question.
Source: From out of the Fog by Gary Walters & the out of the Fog Team
I am a mother of three wonderful children. One of them is fighting every day to survive a life with BPD. She is my insperation. My goal is to reach out to others and seek the support that we all deserve from each other.